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a battle of wits--
no fun with an unarmed person.
Dianne told me that she A.) cheated on me with her old fuck buddy Tim while we were dating... and B.) that she is still in love with me...

all at the same time.

I'm so beyond hurt that I really don't have the words for it. All i know is I drank my woes away like a fish tonight and start a new job in 6 1/2 hours.

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Here's why:

-I hurt my foot about 2 weeks ago and had to stay off it (it was infected... wee) and couldn't workout.

-My blood pressure dropped significantly (80/60, normal is 120/80), resulting in me nearly passing out 20-30 times a day. I finally saw a doc yesterday and apparently my BP dropped hardcore because of a salt deficiency and from going from extreme workouts to nothing so quickly. So now I'm all hopped up on salt, which makes me feel bloated, but it sort of is working? I think? I feel a little less out of it for the first time in a week.

-Haven't been able to workout (or even take walks!) for about 2 weeks, which is resulting in me having really horrible anxiety attacks (the workouts keep them at bay normally), which also could be my body trying to get my BP up... not sure. Makes me feel like I'm having a heart attack all the time though...

-Dianne left to move back to Florida today. Just as we got really close again... I'm really fucking super bummed out. First Katy moved, then Renee and Alicia, and now Dianne? Every person I'm REALLY close with here in LA has now left... I'm feeling really depressed about it all. I didn't think her leaving LA would affect me so much... I was wrong.

-My birthday is Sunday. I'd like to say I don't care about celebrating it like I always do, but I do for once (you only turn 25 once, right?) and I'm just not up to planning anything because I'm so emotionally low lately. I may just go up north, but I dunno yet. Birthday's are silly bullshit.

I don't like being like this. I want to be healthy again so I can workout and get my endorphins back ASAP. Not a good time for me to be deprived of them...

Current Mood: sad sad
Current Music: Barracuda-- Heart

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Man, these 3 hour workouts are the best.

*passes out on the floor*

Current Mood: cheerful cheerful
Current Music: "Buttons"-- Pussycat Dolls

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So I workout regularly, but it hasn't felt like how I used to. When I lived in Boston I worked out for 2 hours a day 5 hours a day. In LA I usually get bored and do about an hour and a half 5 days a week.

SO I decided to step up my game and I did 3 hours yesterday.

It felt great. I'm not gonna do 3 hours a day 5 days a week, that'd be fucking crazy, but I'm gonna aim to do a good 3 hour workout three times a week... and start running sprints more... even though I fucking loathe running.

And yup. Off to the gym now.

Oh... and happy inauguration day! Yay for democrats being back in office and YAY for Bush never being in office ever again!
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I keep forgetting that there is a reason why I don't go to straight bars very often. Because boys are fucking weird. They are! This guy Adam (who is also a regular at Sardo's on Monday night for Rock Band) told my friend Alicia this about me tonight:

"I wanna motorboat her and tell her that she smells like cupcakes"

I apparently broke his heart a few weeks ago when the cat was let out of the bag that I was a big homo. He's a nice guy, but his incessant flirting makes me sooo awkward. I guess he figures I'll just think it's funny or something and let him get away with it all.

But really... cupcakes? And I'm pretty sure I don't have enough boobage to motorboat. Although I was told by this guy Logan that one can motorboat ANY size boobs, but I beg to differ. I think they need to be a little more than substantial.

I'm done. I need to step up the gay appearance, pershmaps? I've been getting a lot of "wait... you're gay? I thought you were straight" comments lately... which is... different.
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I got my hairz did. I feel SO much better...Collapse )

Current Location: home
Current Mood: bouncy bouncy
Current Music: "crazy bitch"-- Buckcherry

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I went with some friends to check out this bar in Silver Lake called The Cha-Cha Lounge. My friend Erin just moved to that area and wanted to see what the local bars had to offer, and me wanting to get more into the Silver Lake scene, agreed to go.

It was a neat bar in the beginning, people from all walks of life and all that jazz. Then it started to turn into this big meat market and there were straight dudes everywhere... and drunk straight girls being slutty to get attention.

Oh, and since it was hipster central, there were so many cute girls I didn't know what to do with myself, BUT I couldn't figure out who was gay and who was straight (they were all straight)...

Basically it was my worst nightmare.

Some guy was yelling faggot at some point... which made me immediately uncomfortable. There were a lot of guys giving me some shifty looks... and a few were being rude to me in general for no reason.


I wish I could say the lesbian bars in LA are more friendly to me, but they aren't... but at least I don't have to worry about getting shit for being gay when i go to them.

Current Mood: annoyed annoyed

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It always is, but this year just felt weirded.

Right now I'm trying to fight the "I'm Single During The Holidays" blues. FIGHT IT, DAMMIT.

I think the strangest part is that for the first time in my life I'm honestly terrified to be in a relationship, which is soooo unlike me. This lovely girl is pursuing me and she's super sweet, smart, tall, and into athletics, but I'm being such a boy and I'm running away and being distant. WTF, man. WTF. Yet, here I am all bummed that I don't have anyone to snuggle with and be adorable with. So, I'm pretty sure I'm losing my mind at this point.

Still having a blast with the concussion. It comes and goes. I hate it. I have to wait until it goes away before I can get back to the gym. Apparently it's dangerous to exercise with a concussion. Um, frickin' duh.

Anyway, I'm glad that Christmas is wrapping up and won't be around for another year. Phhhheeeeeeew.


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WTF when did I revert back to 2006 and get as emo looking as possible? I swear to god, I dye my hair darker and start to wear my glasses again (read: I need to see. I hate my glasses, but I do love being able to see) and this is what happens? Good heavens...
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My dad failed to check and see if Southwest Airlines would allow me to bring Kingston before he got my tickets to go home... and they don't allow pets.

So I spent my entire morning arranging another flight. Thank you Alaskan Airlines for being pet friendly and doing a direct flight from LA to SF. Phhheeeeewwww.

I'm still waiting to hear if I may be working the Sundance Film Festival in Utah. It's been up in the air for a few weeks now and I'm waiting on a call from some guy named Jesse.

I want. I want. I want. Pleeeeeeeeeeease.

Keep your fingers crossed for me. I need the work somethin' fierce!
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My friend Renee is in my bathroom making herself vomit. She fell over on my Guitar Hero drum set and broke the leg CLEAR OFF.

Nooooooooo. I just spend over 200 dollars on that game! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!

I'm also drunk. Which is rare.

Ummm... oh we went to the Getty today and then came back to my place for dinner. I made us some artichokes, salad, and poured us a bunch of wine.

I'm a good catch... what with the dinner making and such... hook it up!

I'm gonna try to go to WeHo tomorrow night. Who is in?

Ewww. I can hear Renee throwing up in my bathroom.


PS: Sorry for the drunk post! I'm not even sure when the last time this happened was! My bad!
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